I actually bought this book for my boyfriend but he was working on Christmas Day (I’m not sure whether to write LMAO or AWWW but I’ll go for AWWW because I do like him quite a lot) so I started reading it and then I wouldn’t give it back to him for ages because I enjoyed it so much. It’s not a brilliant book in that it’s probably not going to appeal to people who aren’t football fans or those who don’t have the right sense of humour to appreciate the book’s comedy. But if you’re a football fan and you like jokes that are often dirty (both of which definitely apply to me), this is probably a very good book to read.
It’s not all dirty jokes. As the title suggests, most of the jokes are based on words and language rather than schoolboy sniggering. But unfortunately, there’s so much football in the book, so many incidents of grown men behaving like (extremely funny) teenage boys, this isn’t the sort of book I’d recommend to my mum, even though she really likes linguistic jokes as a rule.
And I love the way the ‘Jelleyman’ in the title of the book just happens to be Welsh footballer Gareth Jelleyman. So it actually took me a while for me to realise the connection between ‘Jelleyman’ and ‘wobbly’ because I was so excited about a Welsh footballer having his name in the title of a book. But I got it in the end.
I do have to make one big major criticism of something Jeff Stelling says at the start. The book is based on a show called Soccer Saturday, in which he and several other panellists watch football matches and when appropriate they shout and groan and try not to swear based on what they’re watching. Whenever there’s a key moment in a game, Stelling asks the relevant panellist to give a report on it. Only, you never get to see the matches – you just get to hear reactions and analysis.
Stelling says that someone who has never seen Soccer Saturday won’t appreciate the book. And this, I’m afraid, Jeff, is a load of bollocks. I have never seen Soccer Saturday in my whole life and I found the book not only comprehensible but hilarious. What’s more, I really want to watch Soccer Saturday and the only reason I don’t watch anything on Sky Sports is because my parents don’t have it. I could get it if I paid for it but it will probably take quite a lot out of my £70 a week. So maybe I’ll stick to Match of the Day, The Football League Show and Late Kick-Off, which have most of the good bits on and don’t require you to pay anything extra.
Being ignorant of Soccer Saturday was not however completely without its disadvantages. In some ways I’d have liked it if the book had taken a more chronological format. This would have given me more of an idea about how the series has progressed over time, which panellists were around at the same time, what the football situation was at that time, things like that. But on the other hand, as Stelling devotes a chapter to each regular panellist (including the ones that aren’t regular anymore), you really get the opportunity to get to know them all a little bit. And that might not have happened to the same extent if it had been chronological and all the anecdotes about them had been dotted about all over the book. But that small quibble certainly didn’t stop me from enjoying the book very much.
I would like to give it more than three stars. In terms of enjoyment it deserves more than that but I do feel this is a hilariously fun book rather than a great piece of writing. But maybe it would seem great if it was printed in a more conventional typeface. Certain fonts just look amateur which probably lowers my opinion of the writing because it’s less easy to read. And it probably would do even if it was used for Pride and Prejudice so Jeff Stelling didn’t have much of a chance.
Showing posts with label football. Show all posts
Showing posts with label football. Show all posts
Monday, 14 June 2010
Wednesday, 23 December 2009
We Need to Talk about Kevin Keegan (Giles Smith)****
(yes okay, my football references are slightly out of date, I did write this review months ago)
Giles Smith is a journalist who seems to have had a regular football column somewhere or other. In this book, he collected some of his best work from 2005-2007 and put them all together. None of the articles are particularly serious in style – even when Smith starts talking about something serious he soon meanders off-topic (like I do sometimes, only funnier) and starts examining the strangest situations, whatever pops into his head. The articles are all very funny but many of then do have an underlying seriousness. While Smith’s Guide to Tapping Up is a hilarious read, at the same time it does make you think about how serious a problem it is. I wonder if Smith, as a Chelsea fan, can still see the funny side.
Even if he can’t, at least Manchester City are still ripe for the (piss)-taking. Joleon Lescott, formerly of Everton, seemed more than happy with his current side until Moneybags Man Shitty took an interest. Suddenly Lescott was doing all he could to make sure Everton wanted to get rid of him - although he stopped short of taking the Darren Bent route of advertising his availability on Twitter.
Perhaps Smith could even make the Emmanuel Adebayor-goal celebration situation amusing. I admit, when he scored that goal, I wished he was still with Arsenal. Seconds later, when he arrived at the other end of the pitch having raced at a speed never before seen from him on a football pitch, I was so glad that the unsporting twat was nothing to do with my team anymore. Man Shitty – you’re welcome to him. And if you want to see him run even faster than that, get one of the other clubs to offer him higher wages than you’re giving him. Then watch him go.
On second thoughts, I’m not sure that even Giles Smith could make that sound funny.
Smith’s articles also include imaginary football-related documents such as what the Uefa Pro Licence course might consist of, an overview of the different seating arrangements that might exist at the new Wembley Stadium, and a list of hobbies footballers could take up if disaster struck and a power cut meant and they couldn’t use their games consoles anymore.
There is an equally imaginary letter from the FA to a rather depleted England squad, with details of the itinerary for their summer tour of the USA. We read the diary of Fabio Capello after he becomes England manager and the inner thoughts of currently injured Aston Villa winger Stewart Downing on being the only member of the England squad without a Wag (he makes up for it later by finding a double-barrelled one). There are also many discussions, written with great seriousness, of unlikely but intriguing situations such as what would happen if Alex Ferguson and Harry Redknapp had a fight. (As long as they didn’t make it a topless fight I’d be happy with either outcome.)
Reality TV also gets a regular mention – although any footballer who appears on I’m a Celebrity, Strictly Come Dancing or Dancing on Ice is just asking to be ridiculed. As for those who are desperate enough to appear on more than one of them… well, they make the Wags on Wags’ Boutique look camera shy. I would love to go on Wags’ Boutique. I wouldn’t recognise a hair extension if it slapped me round the face (my hair doesn’t need extending, it gets long all by itself) but I would have been a great help when they were wondering what the third letter of ‘silhouette’ was. And while my “What does ‘high street’ mean?” might have filled my fellow Wags with despair, at least I know how many players there are in a football team.
I wasn’t so keen on Craig Bellamy’s Guide to Hitting People with Golf Clubs (why mention his one non-redeeming feature and ignore all the good stuff, like… anyway, moving on) and there was rather too much about England and not enough about Wales, and Smith really doesn’t know a thing about opera.
In one article, he claims that the cheapest seats at the opera are £75. As someone who has never paid more than £30 for a ticket(and rarely pays more than £10) I have to wonder which opera houses he’s been going to. At many venues, even the maximum price is under £75. Could you see a Premiership football match for £10 a time? Even at Hull City it’s £15.
In some ways it was probably more fun to read the articles in their original format, rationing yourself to one a week or however often Smith published them, but even in the age of the Internet, it might be time-consuming – and expensive – to find all the archived versions. So it’s great to have such easy access to so many of them in this volume. It is not a good book to read in one sitting - in order to enjoy each article properly, you don’t want to read too many at a time. So maybe it’s not one to take to the beach but I found it ideal for reading in the bath.
Giles Smith is a journalist who seems to have had a regular football column somewhere or other. In this book, he collected some of his best work from 2005-2007 and put them all together. None of the articles are particularly serious in style – even when Smith starts talking about something serious he soon meanders off-topic (like I do sometimes, only funnier) and starts examining the strangest situations, whatever pops into his head. The articles are all very funny but many of then do have an underlying seriousness. While Smith’s Guide to Tapping Up is a hilarious read, at the same time it does make you think about how serious a problem it is. I wonder if Smith, as a Chelsea fan, can still see the funny side.
Even if he can’t, at least Manchester City are still ripe for the (piss)-taking. Joleon Lescott, formerly of Everton, seemed more than happy with his current side until Moneybags Man Shitty took an interest. Suddenly Lescott was doing all he could to make sure Everton wanted to get rid of him - although he stopped short of taking the Darren Bent route of advertising his availability on Twitter.
Perhaps Smith could even make the Emmanuel Adebayor-goal celebration situation amusing. I admit, when he scored that goal, I wished he was still with Arsenal. Seconds later, when he arrived at the other end of the pitch having raced at a speed never before seen from him on a football pitch, I was so glad that the unsporting twat was nothing to do with my team anymore. Man Shitty – you’re welcome to him. And if you want to see him run even faster than that, get one of the other clubs to offer him higher wages than you’re giving him. Then watch him go.
On second thoughts, I’m not sure that even Giles Smith could make that sound funny.
Smith’s articles also include imaginary football-related documents such as what the Uefa Pro Licence course might consist of, an overview of the different seating arrangements that might exist at the new Wembley Stadium, and a list of hobbies footballers could take up if disaster struck and a power cut meant and they couldn’t use their games consoles anymore.
There is an equally imaginary letter from the FA to a rather depleted England squad, with details of the itinerary for their summer tour of the USA. We read the diary of Fabio Capello after he becomes England manager and the inner thoughts of currently injured Aston Villa winger Stewart Downing on being the only member of the England squad without a Wag (he makes up for it later by finding a double-barrelled one). There are also many discussions, written with great seriousness, of unlikely but intriguing situations such as what would happen if Alex Ferguson and Harry Redknapp had a fight. (As long as they didn’t make it a topless fight I’d be happy with either outcome.)
Reality TV also gets a regular mention – although any footballer who appears on I’m a Celebrity, Strictly Come Dancing or Dancing on Ice is just asking to be ridiculed. As for those who are desperate enough to appear on more than one of them… well, they make the Wags on Wags’ Boutique look camera shy. I would love to go on Wags’ Boutique. I wouldn’t recognise a hair extension if it slapped me round the face (my hair doesn’t need extending, it gets long all by itself) but I would have been a great help when they were wondering what the third letter of ‘silhouette’ was. And while my “What does ‘high street’ mean?” might have filled my fellow Wags with despair, at least I know how many players there are in a football team.
I wasn’t so keen on Craig Bellamy’s Guide to Hitting People with Golf Clubs (why mention his one non-redeeming feature and ignore all the good stuff, like… anyway, moving on) and there was rather too much about England and not enough about Wales, and Smith really doesn’t know a thing about opera.
In one article, he claims that the cheapest seats at the opera are £75. As someone who has never paid more than £30 for a ticket(and rarely pays more than £10) I have to wonder which opera houses he’s been going to. At many venues, even the maximum price is under £75. Could you see a Premiership football match for £10 a time? Even at Hull City it’s £15.
In some ways it was probably more fun to read the articles in their original format, rationing yourself to one a week or however often Smith published them, but even in the age of the Internet, it might be time-consuming – and expensive – to find all the archived versions. So it’s great to have such easy access to so many of them in this volume. It is not a good book to read in one sitting - in order to enjoy each article properly, you don’t want to read too many at a time. So maybe it’s not one to take to the beach but I found it ideal for reading in the bath.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
