Plane -Jane Princess (Karen Templeton)***

This book tells the story of a princess who meets her handsome normal man. I sometimes find Silhouettes a bit dull but this one had me gripped. And most of the time it had me laughing too.

Princess Sophie is a lovely character and she’s very funny – which happens all too rarely in romantic novels. I think she’s the most childish twenty-nine year old I’ve ever heard of (which is saying something) but she is sweet and caring. The blurb says she has the ‘opportunity’ of spending two weeks as a normal person which does kind of suggest the opportunity is offered to her by someone but this isn’t really what happens. Sophie becomes a normal person by disguising herself as a blonde bimbo called Lisa and sneaking out under her bodyguard’s nose. It’s not very realistic but it’s so hilarious I really don’t care. And Sophie’s country, Carpathia, does seem a very old-fashioned sort of place. Maybe it just doesn’t occur to her bodyguard that Sophie might want to run away, or that she’d be able to disguise herself to the extent she does.

The hero, Steve Kolaski, is a lovely, kind man. He’s not my type but that doesn’t matter. More to the point, I’m not sure he’s Sophie’s type either. He’s so paternal towards her it’s quite disturbing that he fancies her. But he is lovely and it’s good to see the friendship between them developing and when they finally get together it is a lovely moment because you know how much Sophie likes him. At least they clearly like and respect each other a lot and they already know they’re capable of living together, at least as boss and babysitter.

The story of how Sophie becomes part of his family is a fascinating one. Well, in some ways it’s the traditional ‘the hero needs a babysitter and the heroine happens to be available’. But making her a princess gives the story an interesting twist. Sophie is neither a brilliant housewife nor someone who is used to looking after children. Because she’s used to having servants, there would be no need for her to learn to cook or clean and although she does read stories to the poor children in the principality, she has never been allowed to take any real responsibility for them. So although she does go through the usual clichéd cooking disasters and losing-a-child disasters, it is more understandable from someone with her background.

Sophie has always worked very hard on her princessly duties and now she works hard at cooking, cleaning and babysitting. She is ignorant, but she’s not stupid – she has no trouble learning to cook when someone actually takes the trouble of showing her round the kitchen. And it is funny watching Steve trying to figure out what’s so odd about her. He knows there must be a reason why this intelligent and hard-working woman is making such elementary mistakes but he can’t quite put his finger on it.

But the wonderful humour can sometimes be a disadvantage because you can get so caught up in that, you forget things. Like I kept forgetting Steve had five children because the twelve year old female twins are barely in the book. Courtney came into it briefly when she started her period but it was almost as though the incident had been brought in to show Steve how important ‘Lisa’ is. I don’t really mind but I do kind of feel Templeton missed some opportunities, like Courtney’s twin sister Bree could have been jealous that Courtney had started her period before she did. That would have been a very interesting psychological challenge for Sophie to deal with and not an unrealistic one – and it would also have given her the chance to show how grown-up she can be.

It also bothers me the way Steve tells Sophie she isn’t beautiful but she is attractive. I think if you love someone they must be beautiful to you. When I first saw my boyfriend I wasn’t that impressed really. Now I think he’s the most gorgeous man in the universe and if anyone says he isn’t handsome I think they’re mad. So why shouldn’t Steve think Sophie is beautiful? He doesn’t have to tell her if she doesn’t like it but telling her she’s not beautiful isn’t very nice.

There is one moment when Steve’s mother calls Sophie by her real name. All writers and editors will make mistakes sometimes and it must be confusing, having a heroine with two names. But it came at a point in the book where I really had no idea if this meant Steve’s mother knew who she was or whether it was a printing error. Steve’s sister knew who she was, so she could have told her mother – plus Sophie was in a daydream at the time and quite possibly wasn’t answering to ‘Lisa’. After a few pages I realised it was definitely a printing error.

But although there was a lot about the book that bothered me I did enjoy reading it. The princess sections were convincing without being over-glamorous and to my surprise I liked the children too. I don’t like reading about cute kids as a rule, they can be cringeworthy but the children in this book were (with the exception of the twins) well-rounded and interesting characters, each with their own problems. Just like the adults.

The Boss's Unconventional Assistant (Jennie Adams)****

I have read the odd Mills & Boon and found it amusing but up until I read this book the funniest bits were the sentences that didn’t quite make sense, like ‘putting her shoes on, she ran after him’. I loved the image of the heroine kind of hopping and hanging onto the banister as she literally tried to run and put her shoes on at the same time. Yes, I do know the authors didn’t mean for me to imagine this but that is what they’re saying.

Then there are some other sentences that sound very grand and sensual on first reading but when you think about them, they’re actually a bit mad. The one my mum (who has only read about one Mills & Boon) likes to quote is: ‘Standing in front of her, he was unmistakeably male’. Well considering the guy was naked at the time I would hope it was unmistakeable! What’s the alternative? ‘Standing in front of her, it was difficult to tell whether he was male or not’????? If that’s the case, the heroine’s got a problem!

Then I read The Boss’s Unconventional Assistant and I found out that Mills & Boons could not only be intentionally funny, they could actually be rather hilarious. Soph might be my favourite Mills & Boon character ever and not just because she shares my name. It actually took me a while to get used to the fact Jennie Adams calls her Soph – that is really the only criticism I can make. My friends call me Soph all the time and they might even talk about me as Soph but I would never introduce myself by that name. Some names like Jo and Sue are short forms but I can accept them as proper names. Soph however is more of a nickname.

In fact she herself introduces herself as Sophia first and then asks people to call her Soph. She says that everyone calls her Soph but that’s not always true – when Soph goes to visit her sisters, they call her Sophia. I didn’t keep a tally, but I’m sure they called her Sophia more often than they called her Soph. And I was a bit surprised to read that she went a bit mushy inside when the hero, Grey, called her Soph for the first time. That sounds more like friendliness than romance to me – a change from Sophia to Sophie would have seemed more convincing. And yes, my boyfriend does call me Soph. But not usually when he’s being romantic. It’s always Sophie or cariad. If he says ‘I love you Soph’ it usually means I’ve done something a bit silly like getting canopy and canapé mixed up. Or boudoir and abattoir.

And while we’re on the subject of names, isn’t Grey a short form of Graham? Maybe it is his actual name and Adams has given him an unusual name to make him seem sexy but for a boss to ask his assistant to call him Grey and for him to insist on calling her Sophia seems a bit odd.

But never mind, Soph does suit her. She’s not only an unconventional assistant, she’s an unconventional Mills & Boon heroine too. Most of them are fairly quiet an unassuming and make no attempt to wear the trousers. You do get the odd one who answers back but that’s usually part of the sexual undercurrents. It’s not unknown for the heroine to be taking care of the hero when he’s injured – that happened in the last Mills & Boon I read, The Italian Playboy’s Secret Son - but the hero is always pretty much in charge even when she’s pushing him along in a wheelchair (Grey isn’t in a wheelchair but Cesar in The Italian Playboy’s Secret Son is). Most heroines have a nurturing side to their personality but they tend not to do it with aromatherapy candles and massage oils. And they definitely don’t have crimson or green hair. Crimson lips and green eyes, possibly. But not hair.

I absolutely loved Soph. She is bubbly and fun and capable of getting into awkward situations but not because she’s lacking in intelligence. The first time we see her she is wondering how to smuggle a rabbit into Grey’s house without him knowing. I’m not even sure if I’ve read about a heroine who has a pet before, certainly not one whom she rescues one on the way to her new job and decides to take with her.

She’s cheerful and determined but she comes over as sweet rather than overbearing. She can be bossy, she has no trouble making sure Grey does his physiotherapy but there’s something so charming about it and it isn’t because she wants to overpower him. It’s not even because her job is to look after Grey while he recovers from a broken arm and sprained ankle. She’s just genuinely worried about him. And not just because she fancies the pants off him. She’s practical and self-sufficient – even when she does fail to understand how to set up a visual link on the computer, she knows exactly who to phone and has it sorted by the time Grey has come back into the room. But she’s also very vulnerable, even before she starts falling in love with Grey.

Grey isn’t so vivid a character but who could be? He starts off quite growly and grumpy – he’s been told to take some time off work but he really doesn’t want to do that. Soph isn’t the type to get in an argument but she certainly doesn’t agree with his decision and she’s not afraid to let him know that. But then you gradually see him realising that there’s more to life than work. At first it’s just little signs, small reactions to Soph, and slowly you realise that he’s actually a really nice guy – probably as close to being worthy of Soph as anyone can get. And you really want it to work out for them. (Yes, I know, it’s Mills & Boon, of course it’s going to work out for them. But there’s nothing wrong with hoping.)

Jennie Adams’ writing has all the requisite (but not always present) romance but it is also full of humour. The part where Grey discovers the presence of Alfie (Soph’s rabbit) is one of the funniest things I’ve ever read – and I’ve read a lot of books. The scenes that take place in Grey’s office are also nicely done. Adams doesn’t get boringly technical about his work and if she does describe something there is a point to it – either it’s an opportunity for humour or something that shows you how Soph and Grey’s relationship is developing. It’s still Mills & Boon in that Adams follows the conventional structure but it’s full of originality.

The Italian Playboy's Secret Son (Rebecca Winters)***

I would love to write for Mills & Boon. Not that I’m saying I’m an incurable romantic but it is good to know in advance if things are going to end happily. So many books, including a lot of romance books, might end happily but they don’t always end with happily ever after. And then there are loads of books that don’t end up happily at all. I prefer books with happy endings and with Mills & Boon that’s exactly what you’re going to get.

There are however a few problems with them and the first one is evident on the front page. I don’t mean to be rude but this book has an awful title. All recent Mills & Boons have titles like this. It’s like they have a special formula or something.

The titles start with the definite article. The next word refers to the hero of the story. It could be preceded by some adjective, possibly referring to either his nationality or his financial status or it might go straight on to the noun, which tells you his status in the heroine’s life at the beginning of the book. So in the case of this book, the heroine clearly sees the hero as a playboy rather than as a future husband. The other book I bought at the same time as this one is called The Boss’s Unconventional Assistant. Can you see the pattern?

Next, just to show the strength and possessiveness of the hero, the genitive case is used. In The Boss’s Conventional Assistant, it shows the hero’s possession of the heroine, who happens to work as his assistant. In The Italian Playboy’s Secret Son, it refers to another person he possesses. If a person is referred to in the title, it can probably only be either his future spouse or a child, as anyone else is going to get in the way of the relationship. But it might instead refer to some sort of act made by the hero, perhaps a promise or a revenge. The object of the sentence will also be preceded by an adjective, such as Secret or Unconventional in the examples quoted here.

So, if you write a book about a nice rich Welsh guy who promises to take care of some girl but has no intention of falling in love with her (although this being Mills & Boon he naturally does) you might want to call it something like The Welsh Millionaire’s Deathbed Promise. I would actually like to write a book about a Welsh millionaire but it won’t have any deathbeds in so I’ll have to call it something different. But just from looking at this imaginary title you can tell a lot about what the hero of that completely imaginary book might be like. You know where he was born. You know he’s got loads of money. You know he’s lost someone close to him. You know he believes in honouring his promises.

Similarly, you know quite a lot about the contents of The Italian Playboy’s Secret Son even before you have looked at the first page. He’s Italian. He has a son he doesn’t know about. The secret son will have some connection to the heroine of his book – it could be that the child’s mother is the heroine’s sister or best friend and that the heroine is now caring for him. But more likely the hero and heroine have met before and the child was the result. You can also guess why the heroine didn’t tell the hero about his son – the hero is a playboy. So the heroine almost certainly kept the child secret because he probably had loads of girlfriends and no interest in settling down..

And that is the main thrust of the whole book. The secret son in question is indeed the product of a past liaison and heroine Sarah didn’t tell Formula One driver Cesar about him because she didn’t think he would be interested and couldn’t bear to go to him and be rejected. Some might say – as Cesar does, several times – that he had the right to know and she should have told him. Yes, she probably should have done. But Sarah is so loving and caring, both towards her son Johnny and to Cesar, it is impossible to view her as harshly as Cesar does. You know she loves Cesar. You know she’s still unhappy about losing him, even though she lost him due to her own actions. You really want Cesar to forgive her and for them both to live happily ever after.

Cesar is lovely too. Although he is cruel to Sarah, you can understand why. You can see how badly she hurt him and also how much he loves his son. The way Cesar and Johnny instantly adored one another is not entirely realistic – but this is a Mills & Boon. You can see Cesar’s point of view as well. His situation is compounded by the fact he had an accident on the race track and is paralysed from the waist down. It’s an interesting situation for a Mills & Boon hero to be in. He couldn’t throw Sarah on the bed and ravish her even if he wanted to – and you can tell he does. It’s an extra barrier between them and it serves to make Sarah’s love for him all the more believable and Cesar’s anger towards her that bit more reasonable. The poor man must be so unhappy and frustrated and not just in that way.

The beginning of the book seems rather rushed. The first meeting between Cesar and Johnny – and the first between Cesar and Sarah for many years – takes place in the hospital where Cesar is showing no interest in recovering from his injuries. There is clearly a lot of emotion on both sides and at the time I was disappointed with how fast Winters zipped through this part of the story. It is true that it takes place over a fairly short space of time but a great deal happens and I would have liked to see it in more detail. The rest of the book, which shows Sarah struggling to adapt with her son’s new relationship with Cesar, is also very interesting but there is quite a lot that happens that doesn’t need to happen and I personally would have preferred to see more of what happened in the hospital.

But I did enjoy it and I thought it was well put-together. For once, the hero’s sudden decision to marry the heroine, despite the fact he really doesn’t want to be in the same house as her, much less the same bed, is surprisingly convincing, as is Sarah’s decision not to tell him to fuck off. Cesar is overbearing at times but he also had a very warm, gentle and loving side. And all the way through the book, I felt they were made for each other. So many Mills & Boon relationships seem to be very much based on the physical side. The hero’s actions towards the heroine can seem unforgiveable it’s very difficult to believe they will last long together and it’s only too easy to question her decision to forgive him. Sarah and Cesar aren’t like that. They struggle to get on and each hurts the other but their compatibility and their feelings for each other are never in doubt.