T.J. and the Hat-Trick (Theo Walcott)***

When I found out that one of my favourite Arsenal players was writing a series of children’s books, I was naturally eager to read them. In some ways, of course, I was completely jealous because I’d have loved to write a series of books about a football team and it is quite sad in a way that Theo is more publishable than me simply because he is famous – even if my writing was a million times better than his, it would make no difference.

But at the same time, I was sure I’d love the book. It’s about football, it’s by Theo, what more could I ask for? (Apart from Theo becoming eligible to play for Wales.)

It’s great to see a footballer writing about his experiences in football without doing something as ridiculous as bringing out an autobiography. Theo is twenty-one years old but I’m sure that if he expressed interest in writing an autobiography, the publishers would snap his hand off (which would have been a problem if Theo had followed his original career plan to become a goalkeeper). But he hasn’t written an autobiography. Instead he’s written some books which are fiction but which are very much based on his own life and experiences (his central character, T.J., even has the same nickname as Theo did as a child - his middle name is James). Young footballers who admire Theo can learn from the books and also enjoy reading them but he hasn’t attempted to stretch his experiences into 200,000 words or more, a book which his younger fans might find a bit difficult anyway.

In this book. T.J. has just started a new school. I think he’s about ten. On his first day, he meets pupils including star (female) striker Tulsi, the enthusiastic but fat Jamie, and Rafi, who has an allergy to keeping still. T.J. discovers that the school doesn’t have a football team – or even a football field – as none of the teachers like P.E. (I’m not sure it’s legal to have a school without P.E. lessons but I can’t say it was something that overly worried me, I think no P.E. lessons is a great idea. Get rid of all P.E. lessons and just have football, rugby and hockey teams. And completely ban netball. That would be perfect). But then new teacher Mr Wood joins the school. He loves football and he sees that T.J. and his friends really enjoy playing so he starts up a school football team, with T.J. as the star goalkeeper.

It’s not the most original story in the world and parts of it aren’t very realistic but it doesn’t matter. Walcott’s books aren’t intended to be great works of literature. They’re just fun books that encourage people to read – and I think that’s very important. A lot of the people who read this book will dream about becoming a footballer and in a way that’s exactly what the book is. Many boys and girls will have had a fantasy about the school football team coming together against the odds and achieving the impossible. Here is the fantasy in book form.

I don’t think it matters that the book isn’t realistic. Why do most people read books, if not to enjoy the fantasy? The book is exciting, full of action and a very satisfying read. It’s also well-written although I’m not sure how much was written by Walcott and how much by Paul May but the writing is good. The style is direct and easy to read and the football matches are well-described without being overly technical.

The characters are good too. They’re all distinctive yet it’s easy to imagine firstly that they’re all mad about football and that although T.J. and his friends are all quite difficult from one another, they all get along. Tulsi is slightly annoying because it’s such a strange name - I don’t think there’s any need for her to be called something so unusual. She is the only girl in the team so she would stand out even if she had a normal name. Maybe it’s a nickname, possibly based on her surname, but in that case you’d expect the teachers to use her real name. But apart from that, the characters have good names although perhaps Walcott goes overboard slightly in his efforts to be politically correct. There are a number of football-playing children who don’t have British names, probably more than is realistic. But maybe he had to do that.

Theo has written three more books about T.J. and I’d definitely be interested in reading them. They won’t be the most challenging books I’ve ever read – but if they were, I probably wouldn’t mention them on this blog. I love Emma but there’s no way I’m reviewing that on here. It would only show how stupid I am and everyone already knows how good it is.