The Chocolate Run (Dorothy Koomson)**

Sex, chocolate and films. Some people would say these are the greatest things in the world, but they’re not enough to make a book. (But at least the presence of chocolate saves this book from being another Ten Days in the Hills.)

However it would be difficult to put anything else in the book when sex, chocolate and films are pretty much all Amber Salpone thinks about. And as for what Amber calls a ‘chocolate run’ (which incidentally is not included in the list of definitions of ‘chocolate run’ provided by Dorothy Koomson at the end of the book), well, it’s a little bit disturbing. I know I’m not in a position to condemn other people for having weird habits but seriously, I hope she washed her hands first.

There are things I like about Amber. I like the fact she doesn’t care if she’s a Size 14/16. I like her humour. It’s not always appropriate, but it’s usually funny. But the way she keeps saying that her friend/lover Greg is a bastard and a tart (can guys be tarts? I think gay men can but Amber’s in trouble if Greg is gay) and not a nice guy is really horrible. Especially since Greg is really incredibly lovely.

Another problem with Amber is that she gets away with things she shouldn’t. Like when she doesn’t do her ‘homework’ for her boss Renée because she was too busy having sex - Renée has a go at her. Perfectly natural, I’d say. Renée had to cancel a meeting because of Amber. But Amber then tells us Renée ‘did the decent thing’ – she cancelled the meeting and brought Amber some Maltesers to make up for snapping at her. It’s not good to shout at people but it’s worse not to do your job properly, and to cause inconvenience to others. It’s possible Renée knows about Amber’s domestic violence past – the past she never talks about – and feels guilty for showing even verbal aggression towards her, but Amber is being paid, and she needs to do her work.

Amber also goes on about how attractive she is. It makes a nice change from the women who go on about how unattractive they are but the more Amber talks about it, the more it seems like conceitedness rather than confidence. It doesn’t help the plot for Amber to say these things. And while we’re on the subject of the things Amber says, why does she say ‘gotten’? I can see how she has picked up ‘owt’ and ‘nowt’ from working in Leeds, but where does the American come from? I did check my A Level English Language books, but ‘gotten’ doesn’t seem to be part of Black English – and while Amber’s English is colloquial, she doesn’t really speak Black English anyway.

Amber is not unconvincing as a character – but she isn’t very likeable. Maybe it would have helped if Greg was a bit more of a bastard and a bit less of a sweet guy with no taste in women – at least Amber’s observations about him would have seemed a bit more reasonable. Amber’s best friend Jen was well-characterised (I couldn’t stand the little bitch), and Renée does seem convincingly French. But Koomson made a mistake when she called Jen’s boyfriend Matt. I was okay with it when he was called Matt, but Amber refers to him just once as ‘Matthew’, and that did it for me. We all know what fictional Matthews are like. ‘He’s got another woman on the go!’ was my immediate thought – and you’ll never guess what.

Although the book is mostly funny, there are also some serious elements. Amber’s fear of domestic violence was disturbing in all the right ways. Koomson writes these parts so powerfully, it doesn’t matter that I don’t much like Amber. No-one deserves that, and her resulting trust issues are more than likely part of the reason why Amber’s such a bitch. However, the domestic violence theme doesn’t seem completely necessary to the plot (although admittedly it is difficult to comment on the plot when I’m not totally sure if there is one). I feel really bad about saying this, but it seems rather as though the domestic violence was put in either for dramatic effect, or to drum up some much-needed sympathy for the protagonist.

But you have to applaud Koomson for giving her protagonist so many imperfections. A lot of people have a bitchy streak, after all. (You only have to read my reviews to find out whether I’ve got one.)

I’ll just add, the other Koomson book I’ve read, My Best Friend’s Girl (review to be posted later), was a lot more enjoyable. It has many of the same elements as The Chocolate Run – child abuse, a not terribly likeable protagonist, trust issues – but My Best Friend’s Girl worked. So read that one instead.